I think you have a need to realize self importance. Many of us do. But understand, there is nothing that defines you but your own decisions, not family history or blood lines.
You should not be trying to shock yourself in to motivation, fear and anger are temporary and ineffective motivators. Only the power of the Holy Spirit living in you will provide the correct motivation and combined capability to do something about it.
Yes, Jesus can redeem all, and for this I too am grateful.