I'm relatively new to this whole "psychic capabilities" thing but maybe anons here will help me out. This will be a long post so bear with me, but I have been thinking about this NON-stop ever since I've stumbled upon it.
I was always a rather introverted person. I was also rather intelligent (not the brightest bulb, but certainly not the dimmest) when my parents divorced at a young age I started essentially torturing myself. Mentally, I would dream up horrifying scenarios and ask myself what I would do in them. One I've struggled with for a very long time is having to choose one parent over the other in terms of death. Meaning, if I had to pick who lived and who died, who would I choose? I thought about this for years and the only answer I can come up with is either killing myself or whoever is asking the question. I can't choose. How could I?
Long story short, since dipping my toes into the pool of psychic possibilities I've come to some conclusions about myself. I can produce a slight feeling of euphoria in myself. It's only very briefly, but I sort of get this goose-bumps type feeling. It usually happens when I come to terms with what I am. What I am spiritually. I imagine/feel/know that God has a plan for me and that its to fight/destroy evil. In what ever form it takes. When I picture myself like this, I have a seemingly endless supply of strength. I liken it to going Super Saiyan as horribly lame as that sounds. I just have this feeling, like I know that I am a warrior for God. Not just a regular foot soldier, a real ass kicker (this could be horribly wrong, but the sense of strength I feel/get is IMMENSE). I picture myself a beacon, or surrounded by golden light. I feel that if I pursue this, learn how to use it I can be helpful in this struggle of Good and evil.
I've also had 2 significant and strange dreams. I rarely ever dream. The first was horrific. I wont type them both out but the 2nd was the most symbolic to me and my current situation. There were roaches on the walls of my home that were hatching into moths or butterflies, but I knew they were "darkness" and at the end of my dream I used a comically large gas station light to torch them. Even my mom's chihuahua was killing them.
I guess my real question here is, how can I improve this. I can feel it. I KNOW its there. How can I manifest it? How can I strengthen my control over it? Or should I bother? Should I just be happy to know that it's there? There is no evil in my heart, I do not wish harm on anyone is innocent. It is also not my place to decide who is and who isn't innocent. I am simply the vessel of God's justice.
Thank you for reading my book, dw I won't post like this again.