Hey folks, nice to meet y'all. Not sure how you work this thing, I hope the lady at the front desk explained it right. The town library has all sorts of wonder gizmos! Regardless, I got a story to tell. Recently I had a huge argument with my wife who somehow got pregnant, and for sure it wasn't me. She declared her innocence through crocodile tears, and I was even inclined to believe her because it would be hard to find someone in the middle of nowhere when she's busy all day tending to the house and milking the cows. Those that are left, anyhow. And since she sleeps beside me those strange noises we hear at night are not from her potential dashing lover. It's gotta be the kids, though I'm unsure why in the world would our first neighbor two miles down the road let his spawn wander alone at night near our house.
Frustratingly, the bitch betrayed me in the middle of the road again. I'm not talking about my wife this time, she doesn't stop working after having done the most extensive TLC one can give to all the moving parts. I rarely remember the process of fixing the old cunt over and over, she seems to be allergic to dusk. Folks at the market say it's the humidity change but I'm calling bullshit. It just stops when it wants, and when I get home my confused family says I look like I was fighting lions. Apparently re-starting the engine takes me hours every time this happens.
Crop yield lately has been way below the threshold for acceptable. Half the field gets trampled by kids. Not just trampled, even braided, and in the middle of the night. They pave their way with bright white flares and just do the deed. As soon as I grab the old war carbine and hand my son the shotgun to scare them away, the flares are gone and kids are nowhere to be seen or heard. When they start doing mischief in the field they are sure to be silent as mice. We'll get them one day, no matter how their parents swear by them. Rascals.
One thing I can't say I'm having problems about is the cash. I wouldn't say it's falling from the skies, however we're pretty well off. Just the other day I got a visit; two guys from the city hall came by. They even claimed they had full knowledge of who was screwing with my crops! What a relief, soon we'll be able to have a proper harvest without those sad circular patches. That's what I hoped at least. Instead they gave the compensation for my losses and told me to keep my mouth firmly shut. I had no idea what they were on about but I ain't complaining about any fat stacks left on the table. If I didn't love her dearly, I'd sell the bitch and get what them at the market call a "proper" tractor, they say I regularly leave the bitch alone by the road anyways. I don't know what they are talking about either.
Oh and the wife isn't pregnant anymore. The girl had apparently been hiding a pillow under her dress all this time. She's learned not to yank my chain so hard, God bless, now let Him beat some sense into her brain so it learns how to close the barn properly after milking, or it'll be a day before I find another cow out in the field eyes gouged by jackals.
Pic related it's me and my bitch.