This seriously is not the right place for you. Everyone faces hardships. Life is not easy, but know that God will only give you what He knows you can handle and that alone should be enough to suck it up and face it. I hope you find the support you so obviously and desperately need, but this is not the place you will find it so you should probably just leave.
This is empathy -→ trust that God will only give you what you can handle. If you've been really been lurking here you would know this is not a self help forum, this is a Q research forum for dedicated anons and patriots alike. What you are facing is between you and God and maybe a therapist. You are just going to get ragged on here because this is not the place for this.