anons, i need some guidance. i know i haven’t been the easiest to deal with on here while going through the birthing pains, especially after feeling attacked by everything and everyone with the whole manifesting stuff going on. i definitely did exactly what Q warned us not to do by isolating myself from my family. i have so many questions about what is going on. my day to day interactions are so bizarre and yet i get this weird enjoyment out of seeing things i’ve thought of manifest in real time. i guess what i’m having the hardest part dealing with is the waiting and reconciling that the world around me is changing while i’m still the same person i’ve always been and will be. even just going back and reconnecting with individuals i’ve cut off is strange since everyone is so open and ready to welcome me back. it doesn’t make me happy to think back to all the awful things i said in the past three years, but it is what it is and i can’t change what happened or what i said. i guess this is all part of the plan, but even with how weird all of it has gotten, even just going back to talk to everyone i left behind feels weird, especially since i feel like i know the awful truth while everyone else is still unaware or rather, stuck in the system they can’t get out of. the matrix analogy is pretty apt, but also not because even that is misdirection. i guess if i were to ask a question, it would be this: what is next? i know how everything will play out, but even so, i still feel like i’m forging my own path and no one is here to guide me.
i wouldn’t say i miss anyone as much as i miss the way that things were, even though i was pretty unhappy then also. just the stability and the normalcy. also most definitely the human connection i lost along the way. the predictability and mundanity of every interaction is soul-crushing.
the worst part about the isolation is the boredom. i hate the interactions because not only does it make me feel more lonely, it also just makes me want to drink more lmao. it’s definitely a “well, i showed up and made an appearance, now how do i entertain myself” sort of feeling.
You came with your troubled eyes
Oh, and the push and pull of love's desires
You came with your easy smile
Oh, and your pretty words like coloured birds fly away
I don't wanna burn for you
I don't wanna yearn for you
I would love to get crazy in your body heat
But I don't wanna get trampled by your cold feet
When you leave you leave no clues
So I reinvent the things you meant
All of this undeclared charade
Keeps me so unsure, always wanting more every day
I don't wanna burn for you
I don't wanna yearn for you
I would love to get crazy in your body heat (Know that I would lose myself)
But I don't wanna get trampled by your cold feet
You stay to say the things you say
A long embrace, you walk away
And now my eyes are full of light
As I pretend that it's okay
I don't wanna burn for you
I don't wanna yearn for you
I would love to get crazy in your body heat (Know that I would lose myself)
But I don't wanna get trampled by your cold feet
I don't wanna burn for you (I don't want to burn for you)
I don't wanna yearn for you
I would love to get crazy in your body heat (Know that I would lose myself)
But I don't wanna get trampled by your cold feet
I would love to get crazy in your body heat (Know that I would lose myself)
But I don't wanna get trampled by your cold feet (Know that I would lose myself)