>"I’m a cis woman in kind of a classic millennial sex pickle: I’m really repelled by heterosexuality politically and personally, but I’m also really into dick."
See, you're just doing it wrong. The dick should be INTO you but I'm guessing you're a heinous 400lb she-beast that smells like sour milk and three day old seafood leftovers but please, do enjoy your mental illness. The rest of us sure get a laugh out of it!