>buy a bidet
Learn to discern sarcasm, ma'am.
In the meanwhile, how about some sammiches and tits?
>Can someone please explain to me why the hell is everyone buying up all the toilet paper.
MSM gave them something to panic over.
It's a great reinforcement for the "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" theme they're trying to spread.
>Why are all these illuminatti celeb idiots in Australia?
They're sun worshipers.
Probably avoiding the shorter days in the northern hemisphere.