TY Baker!!!
>>8699565 (pb)
Not there....
...yet ;-)
There's always tomorrow. Oh, wait... It's Spring Break, now. Yeah, I might need to get back to you on the duct tape.
Gather 'round, anons. Story time.
Went to Walmart. Shopping list was:
-Ice Cream (fuck dinner; we did desert tonight)
-Whipped Cream from spray can
-Kiddie Pool (for the ducks to swim in, pervs)
-Water Hose
-Grill cover (Santa forgot that shit because she was in a hurry, and daddy comes last (that's the way it's supposed to be))
-Go in WalMart. There is ONE ENTRANCE and ONE EXIT. You know, Right next to each other at the grocery section (on the opposite side of the store from the kiddie pools and hoses and grill covers).
-4 out of 7 people are in masks; treating each other like they all have AIDS/Plague/Leprosy/Coodies
-Go 8000 yards across store to the hoses, grill covers, and kiddie pools.
-Get hose and grill cover.
-Ask vaccinatedly enhanced employee where the kiddie pools are.
-Outside the gate, sir. I'm sorry.
-Reassure him it's not his fault, and tell him to stop apologizing. Have a blessed day, man.
-Walk 8000 yards to the self checkout that 9 million other anons already touched with their non-disinfectant, non-washed, but freshly ass-wiped/COVID-19 infected digits, barehandedly, because "fuck it; I'm with Q".
-Check out with 2/5 items on list.
-Take shit to vehicle; while thinking about reheadanon wife at home, going "WTF YOU DIDN'T GET THE FUCKING KIDDIE POOL, ICE CREAM, OR REDDI-WHIP YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"
-Look desperately for Storeanon, outside, that can help with pool dilemma.
-Spot 95+ year old anon that is wearing full hazmat gear.
-Walk 7500 yards to slow-moving hazmat storeanon (you can run, but you can't hide, old man).
-Ask where the fucking kiddie pools are because this anon is about as sharp as a ball-ping hammer.
-"Right over here" as he points to 18 cars in parking lot.
-Think to myself "Oh, Lord, how could I have missed that (still can't see the fucking pools).
-Walk another 100 yards passed the 8-foot tall stacks of mulch that are sitting there, obscuring the kiddie pools (I'm 5'7")
-Hazmat store anon peels off sticker from one of the pools.
-Here, anon; take this to the counter and scan it, then come back and get your pool for the duckies.
-TY Sir (wow, that was smart).
-Travel 8000 yards back to entrace.
-Get Ice Cream and Reddi-Whip (store brand because I accidentally touched it and people are watching me reach for shit seeing if I'm going to put it back or continue touching other inventory).
-I'm not kidding, people were watching me.
-Take my shit to self check-out. Scan everything, and now I'm the only fucker not wearing a mask in a 50 yard radius
-Load up Ice Cream and Great Value reddi-whip in vehicle.
-Drive home
-Redheadanon wife loves the work we've put into the duck pen.
-Asks where the pool is.
-FML I FUCKING FORGOT IT.
-She gives the look.
-Here's the receipt, enjoy your trip. Take the redhead youngin' with you. Me and the oldest will keep working on this.
-…
-…
-OK, hun. BRB.
I love that woman.
Those little duckies are living in luxury, anon.
I seriously thought he channeled the IQ of Chris Langan for a sec for that trip saver. Then I… forgot.
Humility is as constant as time. That was my lesson.
Case in point.
Anon on twitter that posted this said:
"Might not be what I thought it was. DM me for updates".
Why not just post the updates for all to see?
https://twitter.com/devmista3/status/1246941835089641472
Devin Riskey
@devmista3
If anyone has questions, feel free to DM me! More than happy to inform!