Cures for missing the office and your co-workers
Subj: Guidance on Remote Working struggles
As we begin our sixth week of exile from our comfortable, communal work environment, it is perfectly normal for you to be feeling lonely, anxious, and stressed, as you attempt to cope with this unfamiliar work situation.
Here is a list of proven, psychologically therapeutic activities, that can add a sense of normalcy back into your daily work routine; thus, ensuring you will remain relaxed, focused, and productive throughout the day.
Put a coin bowl beside your coffee maker and pay 50 cents for each cup of coffee.
Get your morning coffee and go into another room and talk to imaginary co-workers about the weather, your morning commute, and current news items.
Stack 5-gallon water bottles in your hallway.
Open your refrigerator and put all your items in plastic grocery bags. Label the bags with random names. Rearrange the bags each morning.
Nail your windows closed.
Set your HVAC at 65 or 80, depending on which makes you most uncomfortable.
Let those annoying no-see-um flies loose in your house.
Set up a “Conference room” table in one room with uncomfortable, mismatched chairs around it and put an old desk phone in the middle of the table.
Frequently throughout the day, yell out co-worker names, requesting they report to the front door (Lobby) or the garage (Loading dock).
Clog your sewer plumbing with paper towels and secure most of the bathrooms in your house.
Remove some handles from your bathroom faucets.
Replace your toilet paper with 400 grit sandpaper.
Keep the paper trays in your printer empty so you must load paper each time you print something.
Relocate your printer as far from your workspace as possible.
Print out random PDF files, spread sheets, and coupons. Let them pile up in your printer output tray.
At 10:00 and 3:00, walk around your house at a brisk pace for 15 minutes. Weather permitting, walk around outside (take your dog, might as well make this one useful).
Occasionally unplug your wi-fi router or disconnect your internet. Only do this when VPN is working.
Have a fire drill in the middle of a conference call. Blast an (athletic event) air horn and leave your mic unmuted as you proceed to the most inconvenient exit of your house. Go outside to a remote corner of your property and stare towards your house for 20 minutes before going back in.
At lunch, heat up some food in the microwave that you detest the smell of, and carry it around your house for maximum effect.
Take your coffee to the microwave to reheat it. Wait 2 minutes while “someone else” finishes using the microwave.
In the afternoon, make microwave popcorn and be sure to burn it. Carry the burnt popcorn around your house and then leave it near where you are working.
Erect 6’ cardboard walls around your home workspace. Put up outdated calendars, announcements and schedules, demotivational cartoons, and work-related reference lists.
Remove half of the light bulbs from the lighting fixtures around your workspace. Flickering bulbs will improve the effect.
Draw a large rectangle on your wall. Tape colored markers along the bottom edge. Write project tasks and dates within the rectangle.
Schedule a meeting and go sit at your conference room table. Listen to a TED presentation on an obscure topic for 30 minutes. Take meaningless notes.
By employing a few of these suggestions each day, you will quickly regain that sense of order and regularity that has been so desperately missing in your daily routine.
Remember, if we can laugh about it, we will get through it. Now go wash your hands.