—Trump excitedly unveiled his latest improvements to the White House Press Briefing Room at Monday night's press conference: ejection seats.

Controlled by a panel on Trump's podium, the ejection seats allow him to instantly send any White House reporter on a free trip to somewhere a few hundred yards down Pennsylvania Avenue. Any journalist parroting Chinese propaganda, insulting the president, or asking a question without referring to Trump as "His Majesty Donald Trump May He Live Forever" is likely to get a free flight courtesy of the White House.

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-installs-ejection-seats-throughout-press-briefing-room?fbclid=IwAR1-uf3CXuWk5zOAg5Jx8H1ok-qdRzWzYR8OinCO-9pr-ERIVI3On9DuL1w

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and

pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,

very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"