I know way less now than I did before.
I can’t sleep unless I get blackout drunk.
Then I can’t understand what I did or said until the next morning.
Then it manifests in my life when I wake up.
Everywhere.
The internet, trending topics.
Even the people I see outside and the clothing they wear.
Their thoughts.
Even when they speak to themselves.
It’s almost as if I am being verbally and mentally attacked by NPCs at all times of the day.
The Matrix is real.
Sometimes I think things and they manifest.
Sometimes I see/read things here and they manifest.
Even just words when I look at books or anecdotes from the past.
Everything literally has meaning.
And no meaning at all.
All at the same time.
And I’m expected to document it at all times?
The weirdness of it all?
Do you really expect me to wear a GoPro camera at all times just to explain to you how this information I am receiving is relevant to me in the here and now?
Like, what word or stimuli or thought of the past triggered it?
Or the voices constantly bombarding me with nastiness when I try to sleep, but can’t, except in very short bursts.
This whole world is truly so fucking meaningful and meaningless at the same time.
It makes no sense at all.
Sometimes it does.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
The weird fuckery that goes on with the technology, the breads, the internet, the noises in the background… like even just a few minutes ago some mugs that were drying off in the dish rack readjusted to my train of thoughts.
I truly go from thinking it’s all fucking hilarious, while all the while being truly fucking horrified.
Excuse the language, I guess?
As if it even fucking matters?