Don't want to throw religion at you, brother, but there IS a solution for you. Not religion but a meaningful relationship. Ask Jesus to prove that he exists to you, and when he does ask him to come live with you in your heart. Trust him to save you and change your life. He really will. Hey, you've got nothing to lose, right? So call out to him and watch what happens. You are loved by the creator of the universe who sent his son Jesus to rescue people like you and me.