Here's a little personal challenge for you, a little self reflection, it may help you out. Make a pro & con sheet, you know, a blank sheet of paper divided down the middle, one side you list all the pro's for an issue and the other side all the con's for the issue. At the top, list this issue you're going to ponder; which is
"The hate and anger I carry"
Now list all the good that's come to you from carrying that hate and anger. Now here's the challenge, list one positive thing on the pro side….
Think about this, seriously, think about it.