Babylon Bee - St John's Episcopal Church

Episcopalians Confused By Strange Book Trump Brought To Church

https://babylonbee.com/news/episcopalians-confused-by-strange-book-trump-brought-to-church?utm_content=bufferda121&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump visited St. John's Episcopal Church in Washington to hold up a Bible straight toward the heavens, a completely natural way to hold a Bible, in a clearly authentic demonstration of his faith and definitely not a staged photo op.

Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, though, was nonplussed, saying she was confused by the strange book Trump had brought to church.

"What is that weird book? We've literally never seen one before," she said in a CNN interview. "No real Christian reveres a book like that. Well, maybe the Communist Manifesto or something. But not an old-looking leather book. It looks like one of those religious books, and Jesus wasn't about religion. He was about causing societal upheaval and burning things down."

Some Episcopalians suggested it was a cookbook and that Trump was only offering to bring something to the next church potluck. Others said it was a copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, a revered religious text among the Left. But in the end, Episcopal believers couldn't figure out what the book was and were slightly frightened by it.

Meanwhile, Mike Pence was frantically searching the White House for his Bible only to see Trump on TV. "I told him to ask me before he borrows it for a stunt like this," Pence muttered as he breathed a sigh of relief.

https://twitter.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1267859774730838023

(the parody is the President borrowing the VP's Bible; rest of article appears true)

Philadelphia Store Owner Shoots Armed Looters

Good People do live and work in Philly.

Philadelphia gun store owner shoots armed looters, killing 1: Police

https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/jun/2/philadelphia-gun-store-owner-shoots-armed-looters-/

A gun store owner in Philadelphia opened fire on a group of looters inside his business early Tuesday, killing one, police said.

Police said the 67-year-old owner of the Firing Line Inc. gun store in South Philadelphia took up arms to protect his business as riots continued in the city and across the country in the aftermath of the Minneapolis Police custody death of George Floyd, NBC Philadelphia reported.

The owner told police he was monitoring his surveillance camera when he saw three or four men trying to break in his store using bolt cutters on the front gate about 4:15 a.m. Police said the men eventually broke into the building by smashing the back door and made their way up the stairs where the owner was waiting with his Bushmaster M4 rifle.

“One of the individuals that broke into the property, pointed a handgun at him,” Chief Inspector Scott Smalls told Fox 29. “And that’s when the store owner fired his own weapon, striking the one perpetrator at least one time in the head and he collapsed, dropping his gun between his legs.”

That man reportedly died at the scene. The others fled the scene and have not been located, police said.