>>9525715 pb
"but old One..., we don't watch the magic box (TV). The magic box watches us."
Full Article 1972 article.
Strange incident
at the Time of Counting
We were gathered around the magic box
at curfew, obediently scooping our gruel
from the skull-cups of Venusians who had
been eliminated with extreme prejudice
during the last Solar War. As always at
the Time of Counting, we were appre-
hensive, and I suppose that is why the
Old One decided to speak. We knew lit-
tle about the Old One, except that he
looked like a prune on stilts and that
he belonged to the bygone Era of Dread
Permissiveness.
"I remember 1972," said the Old One,
"That was a good year for the magic box
—a year of great programs and super-
stars."
We did not need to ask what a "pro-
gram" was, or a "superstar." We knew
the Old One would tell us anyway.
"A program," he said, "was like Dick
and Pat Visit the Great Wall of China. Or
Death at the Olympic Games. Or Char-
ley O. Wins the World Series. Or George
Gallup Wins the Presidential Election. Or
Peace Is at Hand. And a superstar: ah,
1972 was the year for superstars. Liza
Minnelli! Henry Kissinger! Sammy Davis
Jr.! Billy Graham! Chris Schenkel! The
biggies."
("Old One," asked my littlest sister,
"what's a presidential election?" "Shut
up and scoop your gruel," he said.) "Al-
istair Cooke! Cassie Mackin! Mark Spitz!
Julie Andrews! General Thieu! Tom Ea-
gleton! Bob Newhart! The Cookie Mon-
ster!" His eyes glistened.
"Not to mention Bobby Fischer. Bob-
by Fischer was the greatest superstar of
them all, and we never even saw him on
the magic box. He played chess. That
was Permissiveness for you."
"What do you mean, you never saw
him?" asked my littlest sister. "Do you
mean you actually saw the others?"
"Naturally," said the Old One. "Chess
and skyjackings were the only things we
didn't see in 1972. Plus, of course, the
end of the war in Vietnam. Arab terror-
ists! Alka-Seltzer commercials! Yul Bryn-
ner! And the writers! My children, there
has never been a year like 1972 for writ-
ers on the magic box."
"Old One" asked my littlest sister,
"what's a writer?"
The Old One was about to tell my lit-
tlest sister what she could do with her in-
cessant questions. But he thought better
of it, and explained: "Writers wrote words
for the programs. Writers told the su-
perstars what to say. Writers wrote very
good words for Carroll O'Connor on All
in the Family, and Peter Falk on Colum-
bo. and Alan Alda on MAS*H, Mary
Tyler Moore! The Waltons! Carol Burn-
nettl The Dick Cavett Showl Hubert Hum-
phrey! Even William Makepeace Thack-
eray and Jean-Paul Sartre wrote words
for the magic box in 1972. And Honore
de Balzac and Burt Bacharach! Think how
much more fun the Watergate program
would have been if only the White House
had had some good writers. I watched
them all on the magic box in 1972, a vin-
tage year."
"Old One," began my littlest sister
but the magic box had started to hum.
"It's the Time of Counting," I said. "We
must gather."
"But I don't understand," insisted my
littlest sister. "These programs, these su-
perstars, you watched them, Old One?"
"The Newlywed Game!" he cried. "The
Partridge Family!"
"On the magic box?" she asked.
"Yes!" he shouted.
We are all now staring at the Old One.
Permissiveness obviously rots the supe-
rior colliculus.
"But, Old One," said my littlest sister,
"we don't watch the magic box. The mag-
ic box watches us."
The Old One burst into tears, and the
Counting began.
by CYCLOPS
https://archive.org/stream/bub_gb_R1cEAAAAMBAJ/bub_gb_R1cEAAAAMBAJ_djvu.txt