This year has been nuts. I've lost so much. Plans have collapsed. We lost graduations. Classes. Road trips. Concerts. Friends went away. The investments collapsed. We lost the business. Aunt and her husband lost her job. Dad and I lost our jobs. I basically dropped out of school and went home.
I had never starved or gone to a food shelf or been poor before. I had never truly feared for my physical safety like this before. I had never felt insecure being unarmed before, and I had never held a weapon with intent to kill before. I had never truly considered us to be at war, at least on our own soil. I had never felt unsafe in any city I lived in before, even at night and even in the ghetto. I had never really been afraid of madness in the streets. I had never been so worried about immediate survival in terms of food and safety before.
My friends lost their jobs and went home. I lost the apartment. I left so many possessions and people behind. I've never been so on-edge and desperate for so long. We lost birthdays and holidays and reunions. Funerals.
I feel aged in some way. Somehow I was more naive before this and never really thought I'd see anything like it.
We have to win. We are really and truly at war on our own soil now and we have to win.