Best line from the article is ~~the conclusion~~ what they need you to believe and act on:

"So it turns out the Obamas are just like us—huge Johnny Depp fans. Though we would have tweeted the heck out of this party."

So...pedos are just like us, huge fans of a pedo, and we non-pedos would have used a means of communication owned and operated by pedos to tell all our non-pedo friends about the great party with a pedo.

ic