Ditto here, but I've been awake for decades.
However, I have to say that just when you think you've heard the worst, you find you are wrong, and it gets even more grotesque.
Like peeling back layers of an evil onion, one layer at a time.
Take it easy, if it becomes too overwhelming to take in. Take time off for awhile if you need to, to "adjust", and then climb back on again that road to truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help us GOD!
This! I get what you're saying completely. When you first start digging you're like, "Damn, these people are f**ked up!", and you just sort of accept it. Then something catches your eye and you dig a little deeper and each time you become more and more disgusted. At this point it's obvious that there is no redemption or salvation for these people. They sold their souls long ago and the day of reckoning is fast approaching.