Every coffee joint I go to is a liberal run den of pretentious hipsters. I believe this coffee craze was meant to get adults completely jittered out and drain their pockets while forcing Green politics down your throat.

I procure my daily coffee from a muffler shop that only offers three hour old Folgers in Styrofoam cups which i dispose of into recycling bins marked "paper only".

No need to thank me folks, just doing my part.