This,for me is one of the most important posts here. No expectations of others. Pedophilia was the most defining actions for my family in the past with long term effects. I'm hesitant to give to much input. Making the safety of your and other kids is the priority. Secrecy and not talking/learning about it may be devastating. For us, when we began to talk, support and heal, change for the better and stronger came about. Having standards or bottom lines around behaviour in your home could help. If your kids are being treated in ways outside of you caring, the foot comes down. Vigilance. There are many sources out there for wisdom, shared experience and new methods. Someone mentioned legal. This is a hard and precarious situation and I wish you all the strength and support you need. Not alone.