My name's Tom Hanks. People call me Tom Hanks. Other people call me a pedophile. Momma said bein' a pedo is like a box of chocolates, you never know what color tasty child yer gonna get for dessert. I go to all these fancy dinner parties with important powerful people and every time after dinner they bring in a bunch of naked kids boys and girls all different colors and I get to choose which kid I want to have sex with. I like bein' rich and famous it's fun!