DAY 5.
Wow what a day, and I barely left the house.
As you may or may not know, I'm a fan of Jung. Apparently I suck at Jung though.
So I saw my shadow again today. Must have been .. it's been a while.
I had COMPLETELY forgotten about it.. and yet I was walking around talking like I knew what I was doing or something,
and meanwhile there are posts on this board where I literally berate and abuse my "shadow", making a public display of her, with a hint of pride to boot.
yes her.
Ok, so when I first came across my shadow, back when I first started delving into Junging philosophy, it appears to me looking like a scarecrow made of darkness, being hung as if on a cross but actually held up by a few ravens.
Only its bright yellow eyes were distinguishable from the shadow figure.
It was kind of scary.
I read my Jung. I knew what to do, approach carefully, don't let it trick you, be nice, be on guard.. which I translated to violently subdue and toss in a cage so that it could never hurt me.
Huzzah! I have defeated my Shadow. Now I get to talk shit to it while making it fuel my creative energy, or whatever.
I think in hte back of my mind I had always planned to go back to that cage and start a real conversation..but along that way, that all kind of fell to the wayside.. and I just got used to thinking "no yea, I keep my shadow locked in a cage in my closet, and its working pretty good so.."
So then today.
I forget at exactly which point.. it as quite a hectic day inside my head.
But at some point, and it was a pretty intense moment because I did not expect to see my shadow there, and furthermore how did you get out of your cage???
Which of course reminded me of how it got in the cage in the first place, only to be forgotten.. and at this moment my fear was traded in for extreme guilt and sorrow.
Instinctively, Instead of throwing up protection or attacking, I went and gave it the biggest hug ever drenched in love, and said I am sorry.. can you please forgive me..
IMMEDIATELY the "shadow" shattered and blew away in the breeze, and my "soul", my actual SOUL, shot out like a cannon ball, not mad or upset just so happy to finally be free and zoomed over to pelt me with kisses while making zigzags in the air just, happy.
The image is a person I know, and so that personal connection made me hurt for what I had done to my pour soul for so long…
We talked.
I feel horrible for what I have done to her, but she forgives me and loves me and is sweet and kind and lies and deceives and loves and hates with equal passion loves demanding and giving, generous and also petty, jealous but also supportive and is my famine side and I embrace her. She has already grown alot, and is now living in my heart chakra as the Sun in my desert with a emerald diamond necklace I gave her.
Also today, I accidentally suicided myself thinking I was a monster attacking my city floating in the sky.
Turns out the monster was me. Very "Empire strikes back", when Luke goes into the dark wet hole that Yoda is not cool with.
It's ok. I'm ok. Thanks for asking. everything worked out in the end.
Mugworth man.
I want to remind people that.. two weeks ago, I was limited to some flashes of light which sometimes formed shapes, and auditory hallucinations,
although I was aware and had experienced deeper levels earlier in life, specifically with Active Imagination,
but this, this is something else.
I said that I might slow down because I thought the meditation/imagination boost I was getting from this was starting to flatten out…
NOPE.
Did I mention in just the past few days I have subdivided my main earthly personality into 4 sub personalities, each a part of me but each also somehow their own, and anyways we built a castle in the sky and defended it from the invaders, and planted a huge sakura tree, its great you guys should see it.
Oh and these "sub" personalities have been growing too, leveling up and evolving like Pokemon.
Oh then, there is, so I built this big bell on the tallest mountain in my sky castle, and when I ring this bell 3 times, I am instantly switched over to my "celestial form", which is a ancient white dragon with a beautiful crane flying along side, just floating around through the universe doing whatever.
yea, lots has been happening in my head.. just didn't know where to start. I've been keeping a loose log so I don't forget, but when my shadow appeared like it did today, and what happened after, I felt the need to share.
You might say I'm just imagining it.
I would say, yes, you right. whats your point? does that make it any less real?
Is there such a thing as "too much" meditation? I swear I am stuck in the subconsious permanently now, or maybe my soul and spirit and mind are just more united now and this s how it feels.
feels.. calm, but intense. Creative but ordered. lots of X but Y kind of sentiments.
Yesterday it felt like there was a palm sized pressure, not uncomforable but definitely there, pushing down or maybe out? of my eyes ad nose and 3rd eye area all day, but today it seems to be lighter and more spread out. That pressure I mean.
Every time I close my eyes I start sinking so I have to catch myself. Not really complaining, because it doesn't negatively affect me e.g. painful, but just interesting to note. I kind of like it, to be honest.
My thoughts and words are definitely more organized than before as well.
A couple times, both times at early morning right before dawn, I was still up doing whatever on the computer when my eyes and brain started drooping on their own and it was all I could do to find a couch to lay on before I was back in my quiet place, which was more like a war zone at the moment but ah, anyways, i'll spare you the gory details.
Anyone have experiences that can relate??
Still on the garlic and mugworth.
Other than Friday night it has been 5 days now. I think I can push 20 but I will be eating meals on Friday night possibly Saturday, just because people usually insist on eating like its necessary or something. anyways, thats good for now.
OH last thing, if you are having trouble activating the pineal gland, try humming or singing even. Think gregorian chants.
try saying all the vowles AEIOU.. you kind of end up with that "ommmm" sound right?
get it at exactly the right pitch (by experimenting) and you will know it is the right pitch by how your third eye reacts to the vibrations. who needs bianural beats when you got your own vibrating subwoofer?
Again, try to "aim" the vibration to the third eye area between the eyebrows and keep it there during meditation, and it could help.
OK now im done.