So I woke up this summer and I'm new to this "world" and have some questions if any of you Would be kind to help me out.

During those initial days I got some form of super consciousness which was both amazing and very painful but it seemed that wherever I looked I found syncronicities and I got punished for keeping up with My normal behaviours. It felt like I was doomed and had to bear the pain of the entire world. After that I had to get away so I wandered the world for two months with nothing on me but My clothes and jacket and strangely that was all I ever needed. How does this work exactly? I'm very confused right now and have started to question my mortality. Everywhere I looked I was told that I was SAFE and all I needed for anything was clothes on my back, which turned out to be true since I did the most reckless shit with no fear of my own life.

Since then I was naive and lost touch with this and want to get back but there isn't no clear cut path is there? Just follow my heart? I'm confused since I keep hearing so many different explainations which leads me to belive that I'm really just on my own here..

Oh and one last thing so I reached into myself and found this black hole of pain within, like I couldn't see the end of it. Is this what we're up against? It's gonna be a long road heh..