2 people shot outside US Capitol
no wait, 3 people shot outside US Capitol
NO! This just in….
17 million people shot outside US Capitol!
One man insurrection!
No, wait…he ain't white MAGA.
OK, peacefully protesting; using knife to protect himself from unwarranted attack by racist police; wrongfully executed by racist police.
There ya go, MSM, I wrote your story for you.