Well, Anon, as an apologist, I have to suggest that from a spiritual side that we can only gauge, like wind on a leaf (how it effects the leaf(you)), what is going on based on your actions. It seems like you're alienating yourself. That's literally something demonic as that is one of their tactics. I recently read Mathew Kelley's book, "The biggest lie in the history of Christianity". TL:DR, people feel like 'THEY' aren't made for religion or that THEY aren't good enough but guess what you are. Religion doesn't require MORE from you, it requires LESS of you. "I must decrease so He can increase". This means you can't serve two masters (you or God). You'll love one and hate the other. Honestly, find your Local Catholic Church and ask to join RCIA. It's like a giant history lesson on Christianity.
Just taking a stab at this anon so please know I know I'm shooting in the dark. The anger is from when someone said something that may have made you think. You might've reflected on what was said. When you break down the walls, the hardened heart you'll start to see the true meaning of Christianity. It starts with love and becomes service. Be the Christ in someone else's life. That's the cause/effect.
Spiritual Warfare
https://youtu.be/TMcvZaiBwe4