> I am being punished by humanity
No matter what your circumstances, anything that is happening to you on the outside is painful because of what it produces on the inside. Change the inside and the outside changes. This is not easy but it definitely possible. When it gets hard, I pray my ass off - usually get mad and work up some emotion, which starts the energy moving (nothing worse than being frozen).
Each of us is different but there is always a way. Others can encourage you but only you know what works for you. You must act, tho, not sink into despair or self-pity. Find a way to begin - and then inch your way forward. You can do it.