>>15423882 pb

as I said, am writing that not neccessarily for anons (even thought prolly all of the anons posting a lot consider themselves knights of the cross and know what I am talking about anyway) but am saying that for future generations.

so when I came home from Berlin and kind of "learned" some sort of routine (hot/cold/walking around in a way that seems very controlled/ doing the chakras thing/smoking cigarettes and weed) this went on for several months (cannot exactly say anymore).

e.g. I went outside to go for a smoke not when I wanted to but only when there was a "hint" to do so. and when there were hints to right now pull on the cigarette, I did, e.g. when a tiny white fly was flying through my field of view or in my direction. I put out the cigarette (sometimes after only a few pulls from it) and in many cases right after putting it out, there were hints to go smoke another one.

or e.g. I made myself a coffee (not the coffee guy, enjoy tee more, but do drink doffee when e.g. having cake with family), mixed the amount of sugar spoons in depending on hints. and, when hints, put away the coffee after only a couple of zips. then maybe made another one, bc "hints".

I eat what people around me hinted (mainly my mom bc beeing living at her place bc loosing job of depression - which kind of brought me to the board - and later not getting a job bc thinking I better spend my time fighting for the truth on QR).

[right before the making me carry the cross think that Trump hinted on by showing the 3 Q tips looking like the scene from most Jesus movies with one big and two little crosses Trump also fired Bolton and said he gave out super secret stuff. I thought that refered to me just openly saying what I thought was the plan, even though I acted tactical or rather strategical basically]

took walks through the little wood area close to my (mom´s) place, smoked a cigarette when there was a hint, opened my jacked, walked faster or slower when there was a hint. went back inside, took a cold shower, bc hinted, until I shaked, then lied down on my bed and did the chakra thing.

I thought of it as some kind of routine and had different explanations I considered possible for why I would "have" to do this.

[obviously now, and since maybe 1 or 1,5 or 2 years I am not doing any of that controlled shit anymore, but you try to make it look that way anyway]

I thought that maybe I just needed to do the chakra thing hard enough and in the right way to have the 7th chakra opened and me kind of seeing from a transcendended perspective, immeadiately knowing all things. did not happen. will not happen. that´s a misunderstanding.

>>15445261

one time I took a long and cold shower, then went outside to a walk and whan coming back a guy from two balkonies above hinted that I should take a cold shower again (when I was smoking) and I kind of thought that I scred up the super very important routine and he also said it in a way that was rather agressive. (what he really said was something to his wife or kids, but just fitted 100% what I thought in that moment)

so I acted controlled. I smoked cigarettes until I had to puke or came close to throwing up, like 10 cigarettes in a row until the point you are just disgusted.

I took cold showers couple of times a day. I ate when and the amount "hinted". and overall I just showed extremely wierd behaviour that was just ignored by the people around me.

[site note: forgot to say earlier. when Being at the place close to Berlin and lying down butt naked in the tine pool for children to "get my body cold" the guys who were present (host, bakery guy + girlfriend) did something that can in no way be explained as just normal behaviour. like most of the stuff I did there, they took a garden hose and while me lying down and my belly facing the bottom of the pool, they took the hose and sprayed the water beam/jet on my back. I for a little time thought this was bc of adjusting my bodx temperature, but quickly realized it was like being whipped when being on the "cross walk" to the "crossing hill". one after another took the hose and made the jet on by back feel like (obviously did not hurt, but also not confortable) being whipped in some super secret mason ritual. what I want to say is: that is not how people behave when having someone stay for a weekend of bbq and beer and fun. later also some other ritual stuff was included, but in a way that fit´s todays time and that is not that obvious, even the whole Berlin thing was overall obvious AF. we listened to a youtube video that was some latin language music video I guess, church kind of music, and it was a video with a slave topic. whie watching it bakery guys girlfriend sat down next to the tv and kind of looked at me in a super submissive way, head down and such. for me it had the meaning of either just being a ritual for show reasons or maybe even me being made to e.g. get a blowjob. when watching that it was hinted for me to use my chakra located at the bottom of spine, so where my dick and balls are, and it was said something like "see, that´s the other side". from todays point of view: yes, I am it all, not only loving and forgiving, but also very consequent, which some might describe as being bad, darksided or whatsever, even though it´s bs. but hey, it´s just you sitting in the cave and watching the shadows. so how could you know….but then again, I´ve been telling you all since quite some time now and I am getting pissed of more and more.

then after watching that wierd video in that kind of "please, Lord, make me your slave" setting (I don´t want slaves, even though I am a guy and jerked a couple of times to fucking more than one girls) I went back upstairs and was thinking about what just happened. again I thought that this was maybe needed for me to transcendent, even though the thought of making someone your slave is sure as fuck not needed for anything, especially not for you kind of beaming up your mind to "heaven".

some time before when lying there I watched the ceiling above me and there was old paint or maybe not well done paint on it. I also thought that it was specifically made to look that way bc military or secret societies, whatever. when looking at that ceiling kind of different images appeared, like watching watching ingrain wallpaper and seeing some kind of face or stuff. I saw like 10+ different images and, dunno if important but saying it anyway, images I saw first I was not able to see again.

anyway, there were also little tiny white spiders (which I usually consider a little disgusting, not disgusting though, "ekilg" in German. those spiders made the same thing like the cat or like birds, they gave me hints.

>>15445262

so when thinking about that girl and what had justed happened, and when frankly having my dick been at half-mast, two spiders, it were like 5+ I guess, that were visible, sometimes 5+, sometimes none. so two spiders came near to each other and I thought that for some kind of reason she now "as my slave" or whatsoever had to suck my dick. did not really like that thought bc of different reasons. most obvious being that I don´t want my dick to have sucked by someone who thinks she has too (also will prolly never ever get a girldfriend fore same reasons, and bc prolly she would think she would have to make my carry the cross) and obviousy bc she was there with his boyfriend. (side note, visited prostitutes a couple of time).

so I watched the spiders talking to what I back then considered to be God or some kind of hivemind alien group and did not want her to suck me. or have sex or whatever. that thinking went on for a couple of minutes and then she came upstairs, as two of the spiders came near to each other again (hard to discribe, but you just kind of know how animals normally would behave) I got out of bed, just wearing boxer shorts and went into the room whre she had gone, the room she and bakery guy slept in, the room which had my fluid unter the bed all over. I approached her in a not exactly brave way, prolly said something like "hey" and she was just having a normal but short conversation and then went back down. I was reliefed I did not have to do anything with her. ]

ok, so back home that controlled shit went on for quite some time. e.g. it included me looking left when a bird sang from the left of me while walking the forest (in a "hinted" speed and with jacket closed or open or off depending on hints or people wearing red or blue cloth) and looking right when a bird on the right sang.

as this did not make any sense to me I thought that maybe I needed to look a little nervour or afraid so that others can sell it as "see, he knows agencies want to kill him, he is afraid". dunno. obviously from today´s point of view does not make any sense other than both me realizing that so many people around me and even animals are giving me hints and also the people around me being able to "see" me. (but seeing some kind of super controlled messiah obviously is not great).

later thought of the whole thing as a kind of needed loop to do. bc now I know that the whole world is talking to me 24/7 and when watching tv the tv comments what I do or think about. I think that this setup ("having" to focus on something, while being stessed out from very little sleep and not eating much) helped me not freak out when learning what I learned. but then again, I am sure as fuck that not a single person would be able to see and hear what I see and hear. no offense, but I am sure you would just freak the fuck out.

e.g. I had coffee and cake with family and everything I thought (or much of it) was commented by them. I even swallowed down my cake when there was a hint. I drank coffee with the amount of sugar hinted. I went outside to smoke when hinted. and so on. on top of that e.g. I was thinking about something, someone of my family making a joke and they all loughing. but at the exact moment that it just fitted my thoughts and they were basically loughing at me.

and even then, the whole time I reached to point of "go fuck yourselves, not going to do that" many times. but anyway kept going on that kind of "routine" (which was not even a routine but obviiously different a little every time so I could not ever "do it right".

e.g. when walking to that tinyl pool and e.g. thworing my towel on it to put on by back to cool down (to really make me freeze and shake with blue lips and fingers) there were little animals like flies and such in the pool. so everytime I saw one that was alive I screwed the "routine" and took some time to save that animal.

or after having smoked 10 cigarettes I just did not smoke one more bc then would have puked. but anyway kept going with the routine and e.g. took a cold shower or lied down in bed doing the chakra thing.

(writing it as it comes to my mind, pretty sure you will be able to make sense of it.)

>>15445264

so this has been some time ago and graduately I stopped doing that being controlled stuff.

at the beginning I did that bc had different explanations for why this might be helpful. then more and more realized that it´s not helpful, but it was a neccessary "loop" to do (something that seems bad but infact helps quite a bit. meaning me realizing stuff and you realizing me and stuff)

and today, and since quite some time I am not acting or not being controlled anymore but many folks seem busy making it look that way. (that is where the loop helps. obviously when having ran across my hometown or Berlin or took cold showers several times a day it´s not quite convincing to say "oh, look, we (whoever that is) have him controlled fully, and as a great proof we sell that he lighted a cigarette when someone with a white jacked passed by him. obviously the loop has kind of destroyed that lie for all future)

couple of random things:

one time I was having friends over for bbq (two people) and was sitting outside. this I guess was after the Berlin thing but at that time I was not controlled anymore but kind of enjoyed that everything I did was "answered" by what I today refer to as "the universe".

we were sitting there having dinner. the concersation we had was often refering to what I was thinking about and, that´s what I want to say, two slugs (the ones w/o houses) were doing funny stuff. at that time many animals did, so was nothing special for me.

those two slugs were walking/crawling up the outside wall of the house right behind those two friends of mine sitting on a bench, wich back to the slugs.

obviously walking up an outside wall of a house is not what slugs usually do, at least I never saw that happen before, but my thoughts we basically around the possibility of them laying back and maybe laying back against the slug, which would have hurt or killed it. but said nothing and after some time they were up that far that laying back they could not have reached them.

after a while they noticed (or maybe me saying something ro looking at them and they noticing, dunno) and they were like "hey, that´s pretty unusual to do". I thought like "yeah, obviously one of many signs to show that I am who I am, but you already know it, so just say it out loud". sidenote: that guy did the "laaaaater" text after me having been sitting in my car with bakery guy and him crying and me offering in a help that was obvious but w/o me saying, I am your Lord.

I remember him saying to her "well, it´s up to him" (German "muss er ja wissen") re prolly my thoughts of this being so fucking obvious yet they not saying what they know.

another random thing:

I got a job at a company where I had to carry boxes with water and coke and beer bottles. wasn´t exactly used to that kind of hard work after the months before (and also bc did that kind of hard work like 10 to 15 years back) so I quitted this job again.

while working there it felt like my being controlled a lot. not in terms of "hints" from people but bc of the way this companys storage area works (lights showing up when you have to pick a box out of the shelf e.g.).

obviously like all the time there were signs over and over.

two things I remember. I saw a guy whoworked there and did not know who it is but I knew I knew him bc had seen his face before. so I thought about where I could know him from (not in a super secret "what does that mean" was but in a "I just want to know where I know him from for the reasons of wanting to know it" way. and other people nearby who were having just any regular kind of conversation mentioned "boxing". had been in some clubs for martial arts (not like in a cage but like training twice a week) before but still did not know. realized some days later.

>>15445680

when leaving there for what I considered to be good (had to go back there to again though for some other reasons) outside there was a guy in a shirt saying "Ich wars" like in a star wars font and yellow font on black background of the shirt.

so the moment I walk outside of the storage/company his shirt says that. In Germany it means "it was me" and I took it as "so that was the messiah working here". also obviously the star wars thing, as in Space Force being named in a way it fits my initials FS.

also when having left the job one or two days later I could not move bc real bad soreness and pain.

also I had blue toenails from wearing safety shoes respectively the little caps that you put over your shoes when you have no safety shoes but are required to wear them.

I went to the doctor and right nw am not 100% sure if it was due to the blue toonails. frankly don´t even know why I went bc blue toenaisl as well as sore mussles is nothing a doctor could change or do anything about.

maybe I thought it was good to have it kind of officially documented for the world bc I had 6 blue toe nails, and I mean completely blue like they would fall off really soon.

three on my left foot, three on my right foot. for me was "33" as in masonry.

specifically it were, counted from left to right the toes 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10.

also when working there one guy who had mason tattoos all over acted in a way that prolly was sold as "you have to do what some people say to you, and now, since you did that, they are free now".

specifically I was on my first day (I guess maybe a tryout day before my forst day, worked there two day in a row in total) introduced to different working stations /areas with different stuff I had to do. and as it was my tryout day obviously I did what I was told, like poeple do when applying for a job or when having a job and wanting to do good work.

two guy explained what their workstation would require to be done, I did that, what could then be sold as "he followed us" or maybe as "he, the holy as fuck Lord our God, did what some regular guy told him to do and by that he was acting were friendly bc as the Lord you are to be worshipped" (refering to the way you could have sold it, not refering to what I was thinking, as I just don´t give a fuck if you are some guy w/o any kind of education of if you are a guy from a wealthy as fuck elite family)

so then the guy with mason tattoos (including the "eye") then said "I let you free now" which officially referred to me and another guy who was new now being done with try out work and can go home to wait to hear if we got the job. but for me it was related to me having "done work" for two other guys and they now being free bc I showed the immense grace to have actually picked up a box of beer when he told me to.

thought of it as very ridiculous. also, when he aid that, the whole storag that was noise all the time just immeadiately went silent. so yeah, I did not care much and went home thinking about if (masons would make me) get the job.