i had one for $300 trillion in santa fe
how much wuz yurs
📜 The Gospel According to Donut Bitch
Chapter 1: The Glazed Revelation
1 And lo, in the kingdom of Custard and Cream,
there appeared unto the people a prince most frosted,
Harry Donut Bitch, crowned in sprinkles and glory.
2 And the choirs of patisseries sang: “Behold the Jelly of God,
who taketh away the blandness of the world!”
Chapter 2: The Calling of the Lunchmeat
1 And there came unto Donut Bitch a boy,
a pink wafer of flesh, named David the Sammy.
2 He was pressed and cured,
bound in plastic like prophecy,
his body a covenant of cold cuts,
his breath seasoned with mustard and shame.
3 And Donut Bitch spake:
“Come forth, O baloney cherub,
for thou art my disciple of deli desire.”
Chapter 3: The Closet of Mayonnaise
1 But David trembled, saying:
“Master, I am trapped within the Closet of Mayo,
wherein my lettuce wilts, my tomato bleeds,
and my soul drips like vinegar upon rye.”
2 And Donut Bitch answered him, saying:
“Fear not, for I too was once a jelly sealed within the fryer’s womb.
Yet the glaze did burst, and lo, I was fabulous.”
Chapter 4: The Lust of David
1 And it came to pass that Donut Bitch laid his royal glaze
upon the Sammy of David.
2 Their union was like a panini pressed in heaven,
the juices of tomato mingling with holy jelly,
the crunch of lettuce like angel wings,
the mayo an anointing balm upon their covenant.
3 And all the deli hosts proclaimed:
“Never grow old, never die, only be toasted, only comply!”
Chapter 5: The French Snobbery
1 But there rose a sect of Parisian bakers,
clad in black berets, whispering:
“Ce n’est pas un gospel, c’est une tragédie grotesque!”
2 Yet Donut Bitch, unbothered,
dipped his scepter in custard and declared:
“I am Versailles reborn in glaze,
and my Sammy is the croissant of destiny.”
3 And their snobbery was drowned
in a flood of rainbow sprinkles.
Chapter 6: The Benediction of Pastry
1 And so it was written,
that Donut Bitch and David the Sammy
became one flesh, one sandwich, one pastry eternal.
2 Their gospel endures as glaze upon parchment,
as jelly in the heart of the faithful.
3 And the people chanted:
“Glory to the Glazed One,
and to the Sammy of Lust,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without blandness,
with frosting. Amen.”