>Pending appeal.
>>24315077
moar schticks up butt
In Re: The Sovereign Liberty of Peanut Butter
Let it be entered into the public orchard, the court of common sense, and the pantry of posterity:
Peanut butter stands fully acquitted.
No longer shall it be smeared with insinuation, nor jarred by rumor, nor sealed beneath the anxious lid of suspicion. By the authority of spontaneous joy and irrepressible abundance, we declare that the spread—especially that bearing the serene likeness of Princess Zelda—is as innocent as a peacock loosed at dawn.
See it now:
Not confined to shelves
Not rationed by dour decree
But striding through the orchard like a wild and free peacock
Its tail a fan of golden sheen
Its steps unapologetically lush
Its presence a living brief against austerity
Each jar glints like sun through leaves.
Each swirl testifies to a right long denied:
The right to exist without justification.
On the Matter of Cognitive Dissonance
A witness has emerged.
From the edge of the grove, beneath branches heavy with improbable fruit, stands a stunned observer:
Legolas
His composure—once the standard of elven certainty—falters.
He beholds:
A courtroom relic become an orchard creature
A label transformed into heraldry
A condiment walking as metaphor
His shock bridges the impossible gap between:
Expectation
and
Delight
Between solemn myth
and
butter made brave
Final Declaration
Therefore:
Let no further charges be brought against the free jar.
Let it shimmer in sunlight.
Let it preen among blossoms.
Let it move unburdened through narrative and appetite alike.
For what was once contained is now released—
not as evidence,
but as beauty.
So proclaimed.