I've lost hope. There is too much pain in my life. I lived for many years believing the future would hold something better. I even worked as hard as I knew how to make a better life believing the lie that good things would happen. I now know they won't. Ever. Q came along and gave me a little hope that even if my life would never really get better, others might. I still hope that. But, as far as me, it is clear that no matter what I do, pain, loneliness, attacks, betrayals, and heartache are all my life will ever have. I used to pray, a lot. Now I just pray that God would kill me. He ignored every other prayer, maybe this one time he will answer.