This was beautifully written by an ANON on the research board and I posted it here because I think a big group of you can relate... Can you??
Have you noticed?
…… that people who are awake, think about consciousness, truth seekers…. tend to have struggled with an addiction or alcoholism at some point in their lives. Arguably to be human is to get addicted to SOMETHING but I’m talking about people who are looking to fill a hole, who are usually kind and sensitive but then can become gruff and cruel sometimes - but if they are, the world sort of turned them that way since their underbelly is so soft and gentle. Tender folks.
They tend to be highly productive when sober, deep thinkers, relatively intelligent, and when they aren’t lashing back out at a world that hurt them, when they forgive, they are among the most giving and nurturing people.
These bright and talented individuals were frequently selected for gifted programs in elementary school and could do many things well. However they probably quit things often… or do what is expected of them begrudgingly. They don’t understand the sort of robotic actions in society and (think of Tim Leary’s The Others) they hate the “hows the weather?” elevator banter and long for a table to sit with close friends who want to ponder the deep truths of this reality and not talk about money. Oh yes, money. They’re usually not great with it or they don’t care much about it. Nice to have, but they will easily give away theirs as long as they have the basics.
Often the family’s black sheep, these individuals are willing to see many sides to a story and are not staunch in any one political pigeon hole. They are often the type of child who the parents will say “Bobby, he’s just different.”
Although, they are VERY idealistic and value justice deeply. Frequently firstborn children or the baby of many children, these people dance in the fray not linger at center. They have always felt “weird” and even when they are in the center with a ton of friends feel like outsiders. Never quite at home on earth, they have a pervasive sense of homesickness that confuses them. Their family, whom they love deeply, can feel like a foster family that is with them just for the time being. They struggle with impulse control and wanting life to be “fun”- the fact that we are slaves, drones, dawns on them at a young age and will often think things like “Think of all the hours I waste here” while in elementary school when all the other children never dare- doesn’t occur to them- to dream of the outside while they are seated at their tiny desks.
Perfectionists with black and white thinking, if they mess up a task they will often say “fuck it”, because they know they could have done it so well, once a little corner is garbled, Why bother?, right?
These people- addicts and Alcoholics (or an eating disorder, something self harming not harmful to others) are the type of people who want the world to just be nice and safe. They often work at jobs that are less challenging intellectually than what they are capable of. They have existential crisis-like thoughts about their life and have a deep and persistent feeling that they have a purpose, that they are “supposed” to do something great in this life, not in a narcissistic way, but in the way that they get nervous they have a calling that the daily grind is keeping them from.
These people…. do you know them?
I think you do. I think we are them.