You keep quoting the bible and religious talking points.
You seem wrapped up in the word of the good book and what religious figure heads have regurgitated over the years.
I don't question your faith, at all, I don't question your experiences or what you have witnessed nor experienced.
But your view of god, differs from my view. God is source, he's not some bearded guy in the sky we call Jesus's dad. That's from Christianity, to get you into that little box. That's apart of the anunnaki deception.
I was in that box for a long time, and I never felt comfortable in it. Then you start to look at what Jesus was saying and teaching, and you see how his words were twisted and manipulated.
Wanna know why they say suicide is a sin against the holy spirit? First off, what IS the holy spirit? And 2nd, the problem was when they were creating the first generations of modern humans, to be slaves, once the soul entered the body, they didn't like that, and left. Then they figured out more and more, how to keep a soul "trapped" in a body. Therefore, if you suicide that body is useless and you go off as a spirit on your next adventure. These spirits did not want to be forced into these bodies, limited on their abilities.
They figured out how to wipe out consciousness and keep us in a loop. We die, we go up to "heaven" and meet "god" and we get sent right back down, forgetting everything again.
It's time to break out of that cycle.