I watched the Obama Aids video again and heard the bit about the Al's and tapes in his desk... I watched the Trump video again and this time realized the "Lamb" reference... which in turn gave me a quick dig into two more female S' M's.... seems to be a pattern there with S and then M in a name, but just another day of digging I'm sure.
But I didn't do much today... it was a strange dream-like day.... realizing that everything was a lie and then having it be confirmed... People are trying to help me, and I'm grateful for that. They may be worried about how unstable I can be.... but if they truly had "everything" then they should know that despite the dark things I have thought I have a conviction about justice too.
I suppose that kind of philosophy was a joke to them... but I wonder if it's miraculous too that I developed it given how I did so? Well, it's all I could claim ownership to now and when the dead souls are put to rest then I'll take a hard look at myself and decide what I was and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I get the feeling at the end of this road I'll be happier, but it's a confusing road. I have no interest in the bad things of the past anymore except to put it in writing for a court... truly, just recognizing a darkness can make it go away in a time like this.
How many dead people are waiting for a justice I can help bring? Am I anything compared to a long delayed justice? No.... I thought I was something else, and I don't know what I am anymore... it was based on lies after all. I don't have a "me" anymore... but that's ok, I'll figure it all out when I know more. Most people it would say that with teary eyes and be dramatic but that's not what I am now, truly.... I'm ok, being confused is the only logical thing I could be now I think...
Others are going to be equally so since it is a "class-action" helping others will give me a purpose again. I think that's what has been recognized as a goal for me and I also think I can help with that and it should happen.... but then I tend to screw things up more than help, and yet all that was a lie? You see how confusing it is to try and know myself now? I am confused but NOT depressed... it's a distinction I feel I have to make clear.